It doesn't take much to convince you that it's a no-win situation. As much as you don't like admitting defeat, it's easy to see why you're ready to throw up your hands in frustration, and write off the client.

There are situations when enough is enough and bailing out makes sense. Some clients are downright unreasonable and the elastic only stretches so far.

Then, there's the “know-it-all” client who enjoys watching you get tied up in knots, and the others who string you along, piling up one objection after another, but are never satisfied. Not to mention those who ask endless “what ifs” to deliberately confuse you.

Even so, hidden among “difficult” customers are others who seem to fit the description. But, on a closer look, they're different and dismissing them can be a mistake.

Taking personal responsibility seriously

These are an interesting, capable, and aware mostly younger group, who take personal responsibility seriously and think for themselves. Raising questions is second nature, as is challenging pat answers.

When these customers ask lots of questions, it's not to be difficult. They're particular about how they spend their money and they expect value. All of which helps explain why they can come across as being “difficult.”

Related: What it takes to inspire insurance client confidence

But before jumping to the conclusion that they aren't good customers, here's something to think about: they're really sending salespeople (including insurance agents) a clear message: “We don't want to be patronized and expect you to take us seriously.”

They expect to be treated as an equal, as someone who is knowledgeable and serious, but who wants to make sure their understanding and information is accurate before saying yes.

In other words, behind what appears to be a “confrontational manner” are consumers who are serious about making the right decision. Although “difficult customers,” they respond to salespeople who listen, provide solid information and are patient, which is why it's worth working with them.

Here are a few thoughts about what to do:

1. Be a coach, not a salesperson

Make engaging the client your primary goal. Forget about what points you want to make or the message you want to get across. Put aside the self-serving “elevator speech,” and the canned presentation.

Sure, the sale is important, but for that to happen, clients must feel you are the right salesperson for them. Do you have the level of knowledge needed to best serve them, and the necessary self-confidence that allows you to openly evaluate your recommendations? Do you let them know you're there to coach them by offering ideas and suggestions for protecting their assets?

2. Make it a dialogue, not a Q&A session.

It's easy for producers to think that just because they answer all a client's questions that the sale is made. It's even true when the person says they have no further questions. In other words, satisfactory answers don't add up to buying insurance.

The “difficult customer” wants something more than a Q&A session with a salesperson. They want interaction, give-and-take. They view dialogue as the core of the sales experience. They want to emerge from the buying experience better informed and better equipped to manage their lives.

3. Think of closing a sale as a journey, not an endgame.

Getting a new client isn't a prize. It's a minor issue (no matter the size of the premium), compared to the possibility of having the opportunity to work with them over time.

So, be grateful for the client who asks questions and who wants to know more about insurance. They may be “difficult” at times (and time consuming), but they also trust you. And you don't need to ask them for referrals. They say to their friends, “You should talk to my agent.”

As it turns out, “difficult” like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Related: How to embrace confrontation and grow your insurance agency business

John R. Graham of GrahamComm is a marketing and sales consultant specializing in the insurance industry. He writes a monthly eNewsletter, “No Nonsense Marketing & Sales Ideas.” Contact him at [email protected] or 617-774-9759.