You're not alone. "We all live in the past, some further back than others," wrote columnist and veteran consultant to the advisory industry Angie Herbers in a January article. "[M]ost baby boomer advisory firm owners […] still think the world largely works the way it did 20 or even 30 years ago."

While helping create client service programs for a number of advisory firms, Herbers has found that many financial professionals get it wrong when working with millennials. "They often believe an app, a website and automation is the backbone of the 'new' generation of wealth," she said. "We just have not found this to be true."

With the usual caveat about applying broad generalizations to unique individuals, here's what several industry authorities have learned about this generation and how to earn its members' respect.

Financially confident (they say)

As teens and young adults, millennials basked in economic growth and optimism until the Great Recession yanked the rug out from under everything. Still, many of them say they're confident about their financial well-being — more confident, in fact, than most of their elders are.

Tyler Nunnally, U.S. strategist for risk tolerance profiling firm FinaMetrica, told us that 43 percent of its millennial clients report "a great deal of confidence" or "complete confidence" in making good financial decisions. By contrast, only 30 percent of older clients feel the same degree of certainty. "Time will tell whether this represents a false sense of security," Nunnally said.

Related: 4 ways millennial small-business owners are more prepared for the future

Herbers is skeptical. "I believe they are outwardly self-confident, through social media, with friends and online," she said. "But when you get them in a room without the pressure of their peers, they are often not confident about their finances. The social pressure to 'be someone' is very high among this generation."

What they need to hear

"One of the biggest challenges facing millennials," points out Kol Birke of Commonwealth Financial Network, "is that through advertising and social media, they see the best of what the world has to offer with the idea that it's normal to get it all, rather than the hard truth that we often need to make tough priority decisions and live without a lot of what we're led to believe will make us happy."

Don't tell millennials that something can't be done. Instead, explain how it could be done and help them assess the necessary tradeoffs. (Photo: Shutterstock)

"Our country is woefully financially illiterate," agreed Deena Katz, co-chairman of Evensky & Katz/Foldes Financial. "It hasn't helped this generation that their parents didn't teach them much about money and often tried to hide their own financial difficulties."

Related: Millennial consumers, mobile use and insurance sales

Many millennials need to learn that "waiting on a windfall like a stock option event or an inheritance is not planning," Herbers said. "Financial wealth is the accumulation of years of discipline and saving."

She added, "This is a generation that has grown up with an online library — the World Wide Web — at their disposal, where they can 'self-teach' themselves anything, or so they believe. The social pressure to be DIYers is very strong among millennials. While this self-education is good in many ways, it can be bad because it makes many of them think they can be their own advisor."

Marston, too, has noticed "a wide gap between what they think they know and what they do know. Millennials have big goals but no plans. They think anything is attainable."

What they need, he said, is coaching from a "therapeutic educator" (to use Olivia's term) who can help build a bridge between their professed confidence and their level of actual knowledge. In the meantime, he advised, don't tell millennials that something can't be done. Instead, explain how it could be done and help them assess the necessary tradeoffs.

'We are the world'

Millennials bring social consciousness to almost everything they do.

As a generation, Marston has observed, they're idealistic, environmentally aware and optimistic about the power of the government and their own activism to change things for the better. Millennials are willing to put their money where their morality is, shunning companies that seem greedy or callous and favoring those that support their values.

Related: Ride-sharing millennials found to crave car ownership after all

In a very literal way, millennials are eager to change the world. They're more likely than boomers to be concerned about both domestic and international issues, according to a 2016 donor survey for Fidelity Charitable. Some 42 percent also said they had tried such forms of philanthropy as buying from a company with a social mission, compared to just 14 percent of older Americans.

Earning a paycheck doesn't erase the impulse to do good. "Young people entering the workforce often ask what the company volunteerism policies are," said Katz, who has a front-row seat on millennials through her teaching post at Texas Tech University. "If there isn't one, they offer to help get one in place."

This generation may occasionally need encouragement to focus more on their own needs. "It's important for them to know that they don't always have to be devoting their money to save other people, things or animals," Herbers said. "While millennials are extremely generous and charitable, at times they can afford to be a little more selfish."

Where do they find guidance?

Even while pursuing a DIY path, many millennials yearn for financial guidance. However, Katz commented, "they have a huge issue with trust, especially [after] seeing their parents and grandparents suffering from consequences of the Great Recession." Reluctant to consult a bank, broker or independent advisor, they often seek help from a spouse or partner, parents or friends.

Not robo-advisors? Not usually, according to Katz. "While they may use robo-advice to get started, they are not particularly enamored of it on an ongoing basis. Most want a more personal connection."

Related: 6 takeaways for marketing insurance to millennials

"In my experience, this generation is just as interested as any other generation in human advice," Birke said. "They are fairly comfortable Googling for answers, including serious issues like medical or financial, but as with any generation there is a lot of avoidance if they see that something may be wrong or a struggle."

It comes back to a need for better financial education. As Katz said, "These people want information, want guidance and want to work together with an advisor."

When they do take their questions to a professional, millennials want to play a role in figuring out the answers. Many want to understand the thinking that goes into a recommendation, not just the final result.

Birke's view is borne out by information gathered by Julie Littlechild, founder of AbsoluteEngagement.com, who helps professionals and entrepreneurs design businesses to support the lives they want to live. In a survey of 1,000 investors, Littlechild found that two-thirds of those under age 40 said they were actively involved in developing the agenda for meetings with their advisor, compared with less than half of investors in their 40s and just over one-fourth of those who were 50 or older.

Millennials are very brand-loyal and crave human connection. (Photo: Shutterstock)

Littlechild also discovered that even though these younger clients tend to be somewhat more critical of their advisory relationship, they were more likely to make referrals. A surprising 67 percent said they'd referred others to their advisor in the past 12 months.

Related: 17 ways to better market to millennials

"We do know millennials are very brand-loyal and crave human connection," Herbers summed up. "I believe the future will be a hybrid of both human interaction and virtual interaction to make up an 'experience' for the millennials to share with their peers."

10 ways to engage their interest

To understand millennials and reach them where they actually live, our sources suggest advisors take these steps:

1. Understand that they're on the move. "Messages in motion are the ones that work with my clients," Herbers said. "Themes such as 'On your way to …,' 'Moving toward …,' etc. [The trend of] millennials renting homes tells us they want to keep going, stay in motion. Settling down with peace of mind is not a message that resonates."

2. Find out what turns them on. "Maybe it's dogs," Herbers suggested. "Maybe it's babies in Africa. Maybe it's organic food. Don't judge, and continue to ask questions about it."