Anatomy of a Complainer

Despite extensive research, a universal psychological theory that applies equally to all people has proven elusive. Perhaps the greatest area of common ground among counseling theories, however, comes from the ideas of empathy and “positive regard” that were such an important part of Carl Rogers' person-centered approach.

Aside from obvious differences, the adjusting process is similar to counseling in its heavy reliance on interpersonal communication. Respect and empathy are so crucial for successful claim resolution for the same reason they are for successful counseling: people tend to disengage and become defensive when they feel threatened, insulted, or criticized.

The maxim “the customer is always right,” doesn't carry much clout in the world of adjusting. Fraud exists. Coverage does not always apply. People have unrealistic expectations regarding claim values. Simply put, it is not uncommon for a complaint about an insurance claim to be unfounded.

However, the complainer need not be demonized, even if he is in the wrong. Complainers are just average people. Sometimes they have significant knowledge gaps when dealing with matters outside their own professions. (An inflated sense of entitlement is often just reliance on misinformation.) Often they may have difficulties in their families and marriages, frustrations in their jobs, worries about personal finances, and health problems.

I am often struck by how my own level of empathy and effectiveness can change when I pick up an unexpected detail about an insured's or a claimant's life. Sometimes I'll just imagine that a person lodging a complaint has some sort of crisis going on. My experiences have suggested that this supposition is more likely right than wrong.

Anatomy of a Complainee

Thomas Kempis, a medieval theologian, once remarked that “You are not better because you are praised, nor worse because you are blamed, for as you are, you are.” Our emotions can often lead us in other directions, but complaints don't establish our worth. Our reactions often say more about our own insecurities and fears than anything else.

Accepting our own humanity in a humble and honest way can clear the way for a complaint to be truly heard and properly used. When stripped of its accusatory power, a complaint can help us focus customer service on successful resolution rather than on self-justification. Of course our own imperfections don't necessarily mean that a complaint is founded. Rather, it is the resistance to the disapproval of others that so often distracts us from careful listening, appropriate questioning, and generally focusing on how a complaint can be best addressed.

Be the Better Ape

Scientists generally categorize great apes into five categories: orangutans, gorillas, chimpanzees, bonobos, and humans. We all lack tails, are omnivorous, have the ability to imitate, experience emotions, and share a big chunk of DNA (between 96.4 and 99.3 percent, depending on the species). Our less-sophisticated biological “cousins” have also been observed in the wild kissing, committing murder and rape, playing with rudimentary “dolls,” and fashioning crude spears for hunting. All apes bicker, squabble—and yes—complain.

Despite such intriguing similarities, there are clear differences that set humans apart. Our ability to communicate; read and write; transmit complicated cultural practices; develop sophisticated technology; and form complex laws and governments are just some of the ways that humans stand out from our biological brethren.

Perhaps most important for this discussion, however, is the heightened human capacity for self-awareness. Any ape can complain, but it is uniquely the human who is capable of overcoming emotion with reason, looking at life philosophically, and using a complaint as a tool for personal and professional growth. We can gripe about the complaints we get, or work out a way to use them. I think it is safe to assume that they won't be stopping anytime soon.