Suddenly unrealistic yet urgent requests begin erupting all about her, as if they had been planted long ago and only now have been activated as part of some diabolical plot! One insured's client demands to be added as an additional "named insured" on all the insured's policies-even the one covering the company softball team for accidental death and dismemberment. Yet another demands a clause certifying the insured's coverage will be primary, noncontributory, non-cancelable, nonsmoking and preservative-free for the length of a solar year on Uranus.

The CSR loses all hope when a certificate-requester threatens to not pay her insured until she certifies in writing that the insured's liability coverage will honor a blanket hold-harmless agreement that waives the insured's right to recover from anyone whose last name ends in a vowel or consonant.

Just as the CSR seems on the verge of either total emotional collapse or going postal, the avalanche of requests suddenly ceases. Subsequently, it is found the requesters weren't beaten back by regulators or insurers, but rather that they perished when their undersized brains imploded while trying to dream up certificate requirements that exceeded the limits of chaos theory.

oLast in Translation! Not since the award-winning "Origins of the Oxford Dictionary of the English Language" has a film had the potential to rock the normally placid insurance world! (Sure, "Black's Law Dictionary: Obfuscation or Ambiguity?" opened well, but that was only in three theaters near Boston.) "Last," all agree, is the insurance movie with the best chance of breaking out of the small, traditional audience of coverage analysts. This one, critics feel, finally may also attract coverage wonks, adjusters and risk managers for offshore captives. A tall order, but to this reviewer's eye, the hype may be hip!

Bill Murray has the role of his life as an ISO forms drafter. Alienated and adrift after his "intermediate tail, designated location/operation limited pollutant coverage laser beam endorsement" fails to reignite demand for the claims-made CGL, Bill drifts aimlessly into a regional insurer's personal-lines department, where he meets a young, attractive legal counsel who is struggling with the meaning of "public or livery conveyance" and exactly why that term doesn't include a share-the-expense car pool. Soon their odd yet symbiotic relationship deepens as together they explore the impact of revising the intentional acts exclusion in the homeowners policy, the subtleties inherent in redrafting the PAP's electronic equipment provisions, and the ramifications of moving mobile equipment subject to licensing and auto laws from the CGL to the BAP. ("Except, of course, for physical damage to the equipment," she laughs, bringing yet another enigmatic smile to Bill's somber visage. He loves to see her laugh, especially when it involves a CGL.) Alas, the relationship ends badly, as he cannot let go of his obsession with reforming and clarifying the coverage in ISO's new crime forms, and she finally leaves to find true love in the arms of an inland marine forms drafter at AAIS.

oOceans Thirty Seven! A riveting tale of man versus nature, based on the amazing events of the 2005 hurricane season. Little do forecasters know when Arlene first appears out at sea that their lives are about to become a flooded, wind-driven hell! By the time Dennis comes along, suspicions start to stir. Floridians begin stocking up on batteries, and Caribbean residents dream of moving to Wisconsin. Soon Emily and Irene bow and depart. Statisticians begin looking to the seas. Twenty-hour news channels broadcast three-hour reports in which, for the benefit of Vegas betters and insurance actuaries, experts give odds on whether a newly formed tropical depression will reach Category five status in prime time only to drop to a three by landfall. In every case, the conclusion is the same: total annihilation looms.

In the West, they say you can tell the weather from the movement of snakes and groundhogs. In the Midwest, they watch the cows and count the cricket songs. Sailors look to the skies at dawn. And seasoned storm trackers look for the first Weather Channel reporters to broadcast live from the beaches. This sign is considered so dependable that insurance carriers everywhere now suspend all binding authority at the airing of the first live Anderson Cooper report that originates within 1,000 feet of a shoreline.

Watch in horror as the hurricane season that made the Book of Revelation seem like a mere tropical disturbance not only delivers the likes of Katrina, Rita and Wilma, but also actually rolls over the naming odometer, then blows through the Greek and Hebrew alphabets so quickly that Hollywood advises the National Hurricane Center to just start numbering the storms like sequels. Can "FEMA versus Katrina III" be far behind?

oRocky VI! You thought hurricanes were a disaster? Wait until you see Stallone throw aside his walker and climb into the ring for one last shot at glory! Hear the pounding theme music as it cleverly drowns out the trite and clich?d dialogue! See long-dead supporting actors revived and inserted into scenes via the wonders of CGI! A true triple threat: no talent, no plot and no insurance! See the insurance companies that usually write disability insurance and performance bonds for the film industry run screaming from Hollywood, giving a whole new meaning to the famous Rocky theme song, "Gonna Fly Now"! There hasn't been a catastrophe brewing like this since Katrina was still in the Gulf! If you go to NASCAR to see the wrecks, this is your film! If you watch the Weather Channel during hurricane season just hoping to see one of those reporters outside in a gale get a lawn chair upside the head, you're going to love this flick! Rocky VI-your last chance to see a totally uninsured Stallone muscle it up just one more time! Yo, Geritol!

Merry Christmas to all! See you at the movies!