Years ago, my teenage son had a minor accident in his pickup. After telling me his tale of woe, he beseeched: “Please, Dad, don’t tell me I’m going to learn something from this. Can I just be miserable for a while instead of looking for the lesson here?”

I was a bit stunned, since I had no idea I’d taken that approach to so many of my children’s difficult life events. Yet I evidently had done so often enough for my son to assume it would again be my initial reaction. “So be it,” I told him. “Suffer now, but later we’ll discuss what you need to take away from this experience.”

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