Ive been offered apparently great products at great prices: Tiny video cameras are the big thing, as are various products to increase this, extend those, and improve that. I learned I didnt have to be lonely (Im not), I can drive a great car (I do), and that there are great investments waiting for me (I have some already).
The most worn key on my keyboard is Del.

These peopleand I use the term looselyhave resorted to all sorts of tricks to get me to open their mail. The first tactic was adding Re: to the subject so I would somehow think I sent a message entitled How can I make millions easily?????

When that didnt work, the subjects got more friendly (although not nearly as friendly as the messages themselves)from How have you been? to Do you remember me? to Guess who I saw at the supermarket?

Of course, I learned to look at the sender and delete mail from names I didnt recognize or were obviously mail bots. So when I (and others like me) began ignoring messages from [email protected], they started using real-sounding names in the From: field. That might work, but sometimes their mail software screws up; Ive had several with subjects like Hey, $firstname! How are u? I dont know many people named $Firstname.

But what really scares me about all this is that the junk keeps coming. And it doesnt get that much more creative. Which means that out there, somewhere, people are responding. People are giving foreign ambassadors their credit card numbers, or buying X10 video cameras, or shelling out thousands for various pills, solutions, or creams.

If you know anyone like this, slap them upside the head. And send me their business cardstheres this kid in England who collects them. ANDREW KANTOR