Ask Dr. G.

The elusive geek master and sushi chef Dr. Gigabyte has returnedfrom a brief sojourn in the high country. He reports a week in themountains has deepened his understanding of the handicaps faced bymany computer users. While meditating on a mountaintop, Dr. G.pondered the imponderable: “Why is it illegal to pilot an airplaneabove 10,000 feet without supplemental oxygen, yet it is aperfectly acceptable practice to stand on the edge of a 2,500-footcliff at 13,000 feet without oxygen?” Dr. G. is here to answer yourunanswerable questions. The moving finger writes and having writmoves on.

Dear Dr. G.: I saw an article in The WallStreet Journal recently saying consumers do not trust cookies andare deleting them or blocking them. Our consumer Web site forpolicy updates and claims submission uses cookies to identify ourcustomers. What should I do? Do we need to rebuild these sites?

–Worried in Walla Walla

Dear Worried: You have every reason to beconcerned–but not about cookies. Your total ignorance of the useand capabilities of a simple piece of text on a hard drive isappalling. It is a good thing you are an executive and not animportant cog in the wheels of your company's IT department.

North Americans are an interesting lot. They willingly slatherdown a 1,500-calorie “meal” with 105 grams of fat that has beenprepared by a pimple-faced 15-year-old with no understanding ofhygiene beyond occasionally wiping his hands on the back of hispants, yet they become insanely paranoid about a mythical BigBrother tracking their meanderings about the Internet.

This is a real conversation Dr. G. has had with a customer:

Customer: “I know what you are doing!”

Dr. G.: “Huh?”

Customer: “With the cookies. You are trackingeverything I do on the Internet, and I won't stand for it!”

Dr. G.: “Um . . . yeah . . . well, I guess youfound us out. I suggest you turn off all cookies in your browserand then check out www.prozac.com.”

And who said insurance people aren't interesting?

What is it about conspiracies that so intrigues people? Life inthe 21st century has enough real challenges without dreaming up newthings to worry about. Cookies have been accused of being the“gateway” to your hard drive–accept cookies from a Web site andthey can read every file on your computer; they can infest yourcomputer with dangerous viruses; they can steal all your vitalinformation and ruin your credit. How good is your credit, anyway?I wish someone would steal mine.

In point of fact, cookies are small text files that allow a Webserver to store a few bits of information. They usually are timelimited and can be very useful. When I return to a Web site, I likethat satisfying, “Hello, Dr. G. Welcome back to Zen and the Art ofSouthern Barbecue.” Remember, on the Internet no one knows you're adog–unless you have cookies enabled. If for some reason you musthave total anonymity (say, maybe you are a spy, or a terrorist, ora sex offender on the lam), then by all means turn off cookies. Onthe other hand, if you have subscribed to a valuable service on theInternet, enabling cookies can make your life much easier by notforcing you to remember and enter your user name and password eachtime you use the site.

To get back to the initial question: No, you do not need toredesign your Web site. If your customers turn off their cookies,have some fun with it. Some ragged-out, irritating blowhard hasbeen berating customer service for 20 minutes because he forgot hisuser name and password and can't get to his account information. Infrustration, the CS unit flips him over to you. After he gets donequestioning your intelligence and your morals and those of yourchildren and their progeny through seven generations, you have thepleasure of responding: “Yes, Mr. Fatcat, I have your informationright here. Your user name is 'big stud,' and your password is'peachyface.'” This really can be fun. People use some amazingpasswords. Some use vulgar expressions–those are great! “Ah yes,your password is ************.” How about when you take their calland the first words out of their mouth are: “Are you people stupidor what?” I have many fun and amusing responses to that one. Callme and maybe I will share.

Readers are invited to send their questions to Dr. Gigabyte [email protected]. Letters are for purposes of exploring insuranceIT issues only and may or may not be contributed by any particularindividual.